Gentleman Prefer Brunettes
by Mindy35
Summary: Jack/Liz. Post-ep for "Into the Crevasse". Jack and Liz are attracted to the porn versions of each other.


Author: mindy35

Rating: T, sexual concepts

Disclaimer: Tina's etc

Spoilers: "Into the Crevasse"

Pairing: Jack/Liz

Summary: Post-ep. Lemon Swap!

* * *

Jack finds himself very attracted to Porn Liz. Which is hardly a huge shock. He is a frequent viewer of pornography, though it's usually of a much higher quality than the Liz Lemon inspired porn film. And Porn Liz - much like the real Liz - is exactly his preferred type of woman. Brunette, curvy and more than a little feisty. Also, after an entire afternoon of watching Porn Liz perform everyday scenes from the real Liz's life, followed by unholy acts he imagines she rarely, if ever, performs, a little of the affinity he feels for his best friend has transferred over to the other woman. And if some of the lust he feels for her on-screen counterpart likewise transfers to the real version…well then, he'll deal with that possibility later.

Of course, Jack would never consider jeopardizing his exemplary career by actually becoming involved with a member of the adult film industry. Nor would dating a neurotic underling be an excellent idea for him - as he'd been reminding himself for years. But when he sees the more sexually accessible of the two women waiting for the elevator at the end of a long day of shooting, he can't imagine there's any harm in pausing to tell her how much he admires her work ethic.

The taller, rounder, sexier Liz turns to him, her full lips sliding into a flawless, glittering smile. "Oh thank you. I've never played a real person before."

Jack nods a few times. "Well, you were very good. Very, ah…believable."

Porn Liz's eyes crinkle with pleasure. "That means a lot coming from you. You seem to know Liz really well."

Jack chuckles, the sound emerging as slightly uneasy. "Perhaps not as well as her script might imply. But yes, I know her well."

"I enjoyed my scenes with you the most," she admits, turning to face him fully. "And by you, I mean-"

"I understand," he interjects, aware that his eyes are glowing. And glued.

"It's a shame Tracy decided to cut them," she adds with a bewildered shrug. "I thought they were kind of hot."

"Really?" Jack's brows shoot up. "Well…" he muses, tilting his head to one side, "truth be told, Liz has always had a little thing for me."

Porn Liz peers at him from beneath her eyelashes, a look he recognizes from watching her work. "I don't blame her. But I guess she's not your type, huh? Most guys prefer blondes."

"I prefer brunettes," Jack responds immediately. "Always have."

"Uh huh." Porn Liz bites her plump lower lip before going on. "I suppose it's the age difference then? I prefer older men, myself."

Jack shakes his head. "No. That's not really an issue either."

"Well…real life isn't as simple as what happens in the movies, huh?" she says, casting a glance at the elevator, which has started to hum with activity. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry or anything. I just like to really get into the skin of my characters, you know? Any insight you have might help me with my scenes tomorrow. We're filming the mass orgy with the teamsters."

Jack clears his throat, casting a glance down the now empty corridor. "Well, if it's insight into Liz Lemon you're after then you've come to the right man. See, the thing with Lemon is – and you'd probably understand this – some people are just naturally…sexual. You know? Tactile. Passionate. Adventurous."

Porn Liz nods at him. "Sure. Naturally."

"And some people…are…" he waves a vague hand, "not. Liz-"

As he is speaking, the elevator door slides open. But it's the expression on the counterfeit Liz's face that makes him stop mid-sentence. It's an expression not just of surprise but of repressed amusement. His gaze follows hers to see that within the elevator, plastered against one wall, are two figures in the throws of a very enthusiastic, seemingly spontaneous, lust-filled encounter. Jack doesn't have to see the woman's face to know it's Lemon's thigh hoisted high around Porn Jack's body, her hands buried deep in his greying hair, her body pressing and arching against his larger frame, her lips sucking so greedily at his. She moans into their kiss, the name she releases muffled but recognizable. Her partner answers her moan with one of his, both hands sliding down to squeeze her ass. Neither seems aware that they are not alone.

That is, until Porn Liz clears her throat. Then the two startle apart. Porn Jack chuckles and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, seeming unconcerned by their unexpected audience. Meanwhile Liz - the real one – her face already flushed a bright red, goes even redder. Her eyes go wide. They lock with Jack's very briefly before skittering away. She sucks in a breath and holds it and doesn't seem to have a clue what to do with herself next.

"You were saying?" Jack's companion asks him, her perfectly shaped eyebrows raised.

Jack is too speechless to answer. He simply watches her step aboard the elevator to join her co-star. The real Liz mutters something unintelligible to her make-out companion then, with her head bowed, shuffles off the elevator. The two Lizes pass each other, exchanging momentary glances. Once his Liz has joined him on her rightful side of the threshold, Jack casts her a lingering sideways look, taking in her smudged lips and mussed hair, her chest heaving beneath a shirt with one button too many popped open. Directing his eyes forward again, the two of them stand side by side and stunned, watching the door slide slowly closed on their on-screen counterparts, both of them wearing rather knowing smiles. Left alone, they slip into a deeply uncomfortable silence. One which, just as the mounting tension is becoming almost unbearable, Liz disrupts, turning to him and demanding:

"Right. So you need to promise me that you will _never_ speak of this." She makes a cutting gesture with one hand, her eyes wide. "Ever. To anyone, Jack. Or I may never speak to you again."

Jack faces her, nods once. "If you wish."

"I wish," she snaps, holding up a finger and waving it in his face. "In fact, you need to promise me that you'll never even think of it, ever, _ever_ again. Just wipe the memory from your brain. Got it?"

He tilts his head, an irrepressible smirk breaking out on his face. "Can't promise that, Lemon."

Her eyes scan his face then narrow at him ominously. "This doesn't mean I have a thing for you, Jack. Because I don't have a thing for you. I know it's what you're thinking but I've never had anything even remotely like a thing for you."

"Oh Lemon," Jack lays a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "Not even you believe that." Then he turns and walks away.

"I don't!" she calls after him, her voice rising in desperation and her foot stamping on the ground. "There's no thing, Jack! _No thing_!"

"I don't believe you!" he calls back and keeps on walking, his smile increasing with each step. Because Liz having an obvious and undeniable thing for him makes Jack feel a whole lot better about his secret, long-standing and at times entirely understandable thing for her.

_END_.


End file.
